What are emotional patterns?
These are reactions or emotions that appear repeatedly in certain situations and that, most of the time, we feel we cannot manage. Sometimes we are aware of them and recognize them when they arise; other times they are activated automatically, without us realizing it, as a response to certain stimuli.
How are emotional patterns created?
They are formed during moments when we experience intense or repeated emotions. In such situations, our nervous system automatically switches into survival mode (fight, flight, or freeze), and all bodily functions intensify in order to cope with the situation.
If these states occur frequently during a period of our lives, even at a lower intensity, or if we experience a very intense event such as trauma or abuse, then the emotion(s) experienced at that moment become anchored in the body and nervous system and repeat as a constant cycle.
It’s like a program that enters a loop, constantly trying to find an exit solution.
Why do we react “automatically”?
For example, if in childhood our boundaries were violated and we were unable to say anything, a state of helplessness and fear of self-expression automatically settled into our system. In adulthood, this will repeat in the same way. Helplessness and fear remain, and whenever someone crosses our boundaries, we won’t be able to speak up; instead, we will agree out of fear.
The difference between intellectual knowing and emotional processing
No matter how much we know intellectually that what we are doing is not right, we won’t be able to break out of this pattern until we fully become aware of it, starting from its source. In order to process it, we need to return to those moments in the past when we experienced it for the first time and shift our perspective—understanding that we are no longer part of that moment, but are living in the present, safe, and with power over our own lives.
Simple examples from everyday life
-
We feel powerless to tell our boss that we want Sundays off. We don’t know why. In reality, inside us is that powerless child whom their mother or father scolded for asking for what they wanted. So we inhibited ourselves.
-
We feel anger when someone cuts in front of us at the store. We don’t know why. It is a lack of respect that we feel on a subconscious level, linked to moments when our mother stopped us from saying what we wanted.
-
We get irritated with our child over the smallest things. Here, we are finally exercising a sense of authority that we didn’t feel in childhood—but instead of expressing it in a healthy way, we repeat it as we saw it modeled by our mother.
Etc.
These reactions show us where there are still ununderstood experiences or unprocessed emotions from our past. Once they are acknowledged and worked through, they can be transformed into more adaptive and balanced responses.
Awareness is the first step that can interrupt this cycle and open the possibility for different choices.
What patterns do you notice repeating in your own life?
Marian
Regression Therapist & Hypnotherapist